Me and malls are like the sharks and jets, but with less singing

the final countdown
school finally starts Monday
we are happy sad

The wee one is very excited about school starting on Monday. We got some insider information today that his good friend will be in his class so he's even more stoked now. How he is old enough to be going into the second grade is mind-boggling. When I started this blog he wasn't even two yet. HOW CAN THAT BE? This means that

A) I am old

b) He is old

3) There is something creepy about the spacetime continuum

Today, he and I went out to search for some school clothes. I've already bought him a few things online, but when I bought them it was 4 am and I was kind of crazy, so we needed to go shopping today to sort of, uh, round out the selection.

No clothes to be found. Shelves were cleared. All the tax free crap starts tomorrow so I thought we'd get lucky. Oh no. Instead, the fates are trying to force me to take him to the mall. But I do not want to go to the mall. I detest going to the mall these days. The germy germy mall. Even the fancy mall.

Maybe – just maybe – I could be persuaded to go to the outdoor mall type thing and wander aimlessly, but even then you have to actually go into stores and dig through piles and piles of crap clothes that are illuminated by the kind of florescent lights that cook your brain until you leave the place with a migraine that will last three days. I'm all for making sacrifices for my children, but spending all day during a tax free weekend at a mall is WAY worse than, say, offering up a kidney, or drinking from a water bottle your 3 year-old had first (and that she drank from after eating vegetable crackers).

But that is just me. I am agoraphobic and germophobic and peoplephobic and drivingaroundtryingtofindaparkingplacein-
103degreeheatophobic.

Better to wait and join in on the Swine Flu Apocalypse after school starts, right? Seems like a better plan than catching something from a door handle at Macy's.

Hey! Speaking of the aporkalypse, do you think this will violate the dress code? Because if I was rich enough, I would totally get it for him for the first day back to school.

Instead, I am sending him with hand sanitizer, a kiss on the forehead, and a questionable wardrobe purchased at the height of sleep-deprived insanity.

Ah, second grade. I think this year really has potential.

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5 thoughts on “Me and malls are like the sharks and jets, but with less singing

  1. I would like one of those very fashionable aporkalypse masks for my daughter. And one for me too for when I am forced to shop offline.

    Like

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