five days since blogging
I'm not sure how that happened
oh, yeah, FML
Whenever we have a bad week around here, I always think, "Well, it could be worse." And it could be. It has been. So I have to try to put things into perspective. But you know, there are levels of shitty. Like the Homeland Security Terror Advisory System. Only it's the Uh-Oh, Watch Out, Shitty Week Advisory System.
In the Uh-Oh, Watch Out, Shitty Week Advisory System, blue is the worst and red is the best.
BLUE: Blue baby week, not a lot of breathing, emergency tracheostomy
GREEN: Baby breathing OK, but with oxygen. Trapped at hospital while husband is out of town
YELLOW: In the hospital, but only for a few days, mostly everyone is tired
ORANGE: The sun is out, the nurse is at the house, maybe just one doctor's appointment
PINK: Rosy-cheeked baby, eating well, playing, learning to talk and walk, la la la happy
Last week felt like a green week, but really it fell in between orange and yellow. Ike was sick for most of the week, but we didn't have to go the hospital. Yay! His nurse got sick too, though, boo… so there was a lot of frantic schedule juggling and screamy mommy time as I tried to wrangle sick trachy baby stuff, and two crazy kids.
Ike-a-saurus is MUCH better now, though apparently his funk is actively trying to kill his nurse. Hopefully she'll feel better soon, because damn. Sometimes you forget how much you really and truly depend on other people to get through the day. Not that I forget necessarily, but I don't like to think about it. I want to be independent and worry about my baby myself, and do simple things like pop him in the car and drive to pick up the wee-er one at school. But I've had to learn to give up some of these notions. At least for now.
We DO need help. We DO need nurses. And it's great to have them. I hate that I'm dependent on them, but I imagine this feeling can't be that much different than how a mom feels when she has to drop her kids off at school or with a nanny so she can go to work everyday, you know? I mean I know it's different, but still sort of similar. As much as moms want to be able to do every single thing for their kid, it's an impossible feat. I have a hard time admitting the impossibility of it all, and an ever harder time accepting it.
So last week was shitty. And there was no time for blogging because I was on the phone fighting with people, and on the phone begging people, and suctioning a trach 50,000 times a day, and trying not to be the Worst Mother Ever to the wee one and the wee-er one.
Remember when this blog used to be funny? Sigh.
Go read some of the archives from 2004-2006. Funny stuff in there. Way better than this mopey stuff.
OK. I gotta go try to finish writing a book. Ha, ha, I know.