Disco Ball Hair, WHY DO YOU FORSAKE US?

hair pick resurgence
the young boy's hair resists, tho
fie on you, Nature!

For the past several weeks, the wee one has been very intent on growing out his hair. I even took him to a super hip place to get his hair did. The sailor-suit wearing tattooed man de-scraggled the wee one nicely, so that his hair could grow out evenly.

The problem is, I have misunderstood the plan for the wee one's hair. I was thinking he was going for a sort of Disney Channel-chic, you know… one of those early Zac Efron hairdos, or maybe even (God forbid) some kind of Justin Bieber thing.

But no.

The wee one and I were talking about his plans the other day and he was expressing dismay at how slowly his hair was growing. I, on the other hand, have been impressed with how quickly his hair has been growing.

"What do you mean QUICKLY?" he asked with disdain. "It's just laying on my head."

"Laying on your head?" I asked. "It's growing over your ears now, and your bangs are longer…."

"But it's not growing up! Why won't it grow up?!" he asked.

"Grow up?"

"Like a disco ball, mom. I want disco ball hair. That's why I've been carrying around that hair pick in my backpack." He said this all very accusingly, like I was purposely keeping him from growing an afro.

A) He carries around a hair pick in his backpack?

B) Hooray for diverse elementary schools, where young boys can envy their peers' "disco ball hair"

C) WHEW, that was a close call, J-Devil Bieber and your ass ugly hair

So now I feel bad. I've been encouraging him to grow out his hair, not knowing that I've been encouraging Mr. I-Have-The-Most-Non-Disco-Ball-Worthy-Hair-Ever to grow an afro. Dude.

I'm terrified that one day he's going to buy an afro wig and wear it to school. THAT'S going to be fun to explain to the principal.

A hair pick in his backpack…. this kid always keeps me on my toes.

Maybe he'll go for a fauxhawk?

Probably not.

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4 thoughts on “Disco Ball Hair, WHY DO YOU FORSAKE US?

  1. OMG. best story ever. I mean, as a woman with curly hair I fight with daily to be smooth and straight, and not up and out, I could never imagine anyone, let alone the wee one, longing for such a menace of a ‘do. & the pick in his backpack? Priceless. Just say no to perms. OMG. Imagine?! The wee one with a perm?
    I’ll go now.

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  2. As a former wearer of a child afro, and as a man who’s hair grows relentlessly up, like a weed groping for the sky, I welcome the W.O. to the Up Hair Club. Among our proud members are Dr. J, Disco Stu, and the Muppet’s Beaker (Non-Curly Up Hair Division). Remember, one of the advantages of Up-Hair: fewer adolescent (or adult) dates means reduced parent anxiety!
    Adam

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  3. I married into a family of men with very curly strawberry blonde hair.
    My father-in-law sported a strawberry blonde afro in the 70’s.
    My brother-in-law grew his hair out in college, dreadlocked part of it, and died clumps blue. He had this huge mass of clumpy, blue and strawberry blonde, afro goodness… think Sideshow Bob with a goatee.
    My husband has the same curly hair, but refuses to let it get more than a 1/2 inch long in fear that he will wake up with a disco ball head.
    In light of my exposure to men who’s hair grows Up, your post made me laugh!

    Like

  4. Katy and I had to have that talk when she was in preschool and wanted me to put her hair up in the little braids and fuzzy baubles that stick up with all those nifty hair bands. I had to say I’m sorry, your hair just won’t do that. I have a hard enough time getting it into pony tails that’ll stay.

    Like

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