Up Yours, I Can Do It Myself

As I was waking up this morning, I was thinking of a list of book titles for three and four-year-old kids. Specifically, book titles that would tell the truth about really happens everyday. Like, there are a lot of "I can be a big sister!" books and "I can count these animals!" books. They are all very colorful and cheerful and nice.

But if we're being realistic, I think there needs to be an "Up Yours, I Can Do It Myself" book. Because this is what I get from my almost 4-year-old daughter everyday.

"Want me to help you tie your shoes?"


"Want me to help you carry that giant jug of milk that's getting ready to splash on the floor?"


"Would you like to wear the pink shirt or the yellow shirt?"


Lots of doing it ourselves around here. But the doing isn't being done very sweetly. It's being done with a quavering stink eye and a puckered mouth and v-shaped eyebrows, and sometimes with a few donkey kicks thrown in.

An "Up Yours, I Can Do It Myself" book would be realistic, but I guess it would just emphasize how true it is that these little people really do run our lives. Every minute of everyday it seems sometimes.

I guess the sequel could be, "Eff You, I'm Not Eating That". And we could round out the trilogy with "I Left My Shoes In The Car, And You Can Suck It."

Maybe I'm writing country songs here, and not books. Eh, either way, I think there's a franchise.

5 thoughts on “Up Yours, I Can Do It Myself

  1. You would be singing my country song if you wrote it. The looks, the independence, the attitude! I now know where the term “talk to the hand” originated.
    Don’t forget the title “go away, mama. I want to be alone!”
    Yea, right. If only.


  2. Totally cracking up over here.
    Dan did “talk to the hand” to Abby the other day after getting sick of her attitude and demands, and she got this furrowed brow, then shrugged and said, “Hellooooo!” right to it. We were dying.


  3. Oh, yeah! My youngest would be all up in that business. His phrase from the time he was 20 months old, ” I DO IT!” He’s 5 now, and has somewhat grown out of the “I do it” phase. Now he pretends he can’t do anything for himself. I’m not sure which phase I hate more.


  4. I’m writing a book for teenagers called – “I’m Smarter Than You”. The sequel will be – “I Already Know Everything”. Then a few years later I’m going to come out with the third installment called – “You Can’t Possibly Understand What I’m Going Through!”


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