You may remember me from such posts as "Holy fuck, the world is ending" and "oh shit, my kid's a demon".
Well, just to update you on everything… IT IS ALL WORSE. God. Remember when this blog used to be funny? One day, I will get you bitches laughing again. Until then, if I am being honest (and I have to be honest, because this is the interweb and everyone is honest on here), it is my duty to report: Nothing is better. A spiraling tornado of shittiness is trapped within these four walls and it is just going to keep throwing me up against the floor and ceiling until all my bones are broken or I am addicted to prescription medication.
Like, seriously, Smokey from Lost is trapped in this house and he's all "ticka-ticka-ticka I'magonnagetcha" and then he grabs me by my ankle and throws me against the dishwasher and I discover we have no tabs to put in it to clean the dishes. And then he's all "ticka-ticka-ticka I'magonnasquishya" and he throws me up against one of my kids and I realize said kid is running a thousand degree temperature.
Days and days and days of this shit right now. At least the power is back on so we can run all of Ike's doodads. (Oh yes. It's been THAT kind of week.)
But I don't want to dwell on the shittiness of everything. I mean, what would Oprah say? She'd be all, "KAARRRRRIIIIIII!!!! You have to watch this montage of other women who have been starving and living in ditches and then overcome it all to become the CEO of million dollar companies!!!" And then I would want to stab her a little bit, so maybe this is not a good example.
Anyway. I just wanted to say that things are still terrible. But, you know, I guess I'm going to have to get used to it. I'm going to have to realize that this terrible fucking shit ass shit month is happening so that something unicorny and pony-like and sparkly and fancy can happen. The one particular thing I have in mind is probably going to get postponed because of the "ticka-ticka-ticka I'magonnasmashya" grabbing me by the wrist and thrusting my face into the fact that Ike is probably not going to be well enough to make the June trip. BUT, there has to be a karmic switcheroo, right? At some point?
Maybe it is the Advil Cold & Sinus talking, but this house is being sucked into a black hole right now and I am just too fucking tired of it all to be sad about it.
Into the black hole we go. Let's find out what's on the other side. Hopefully, it's better than Oprah. And hopefully, it has some fucking dishwashing tabs.