Our lack of cable makes it impossible for me to liveblog the MTV movie awards tonight. Alas.

I could liveblog my attempt at cleaning the bathroom, or liveblog what happens when I try to get two overtired children to bed after they've eaten cotton candy, caramel apples, and watched the live Star Wars in Concert show. I could also liveblog what happens when Ike's new night nurse shows up tonight and he's still awake because he took a four hour nap (!) this afternoon.

None of those sound as fun as making fun of Kristen Stewart's sour mug, though.

Looks like it's going to a quiet night of screaming kids and screaming headaches and not enough beer and maybe catching an episode of Spartacus: Blood and Sand, even though in the last episode I saw someone got both their legs chopped off and I decided maybe I don't want to watch that show anymore.


Maybe I should have just pretended I was watching the MT Movie awards and fake liveblogged it. You all would've been, "Uh, what show are you watching?" And I could have been all, "The awards show, dummies! The one IN MY HEAD!" And then you would have done that "whoa, she's crackers" look that you do and the laugh track would kick in and then we would go to commercial.

8:25 pm: Lady Gaga looks like a rhinestoned toilet seat on the MIR space station 10 years ago!

8:27: Wait, why is Lady Gaga here? This is the MTV movie awards.

8:29: Did Kristen Stewart just get stabbed? Oh no, wait, she's just smiling.

8:31: Boy, Avatar makes me want to stab people. Maybe Kristen Stewart. Even though that doesn't make sense I bet it made you nod.

8:33: It's a good thing it's still last year so people can make all these Kanye jokes

I could boringly go on forever, but I won't. There are children who need to be yelled at put to bed. Maybe if I paint myself blue and do it in 3D it will be more fun.

Sorry about the lack of liveblog. Maybe I will take up donations so I can get cable. Joking. Mostly.

OK, yes. Children. Responsibilities. Also Spartacus. And beer.

Forgive me, loyal readers. I owe you one.

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