Trach Tube Ho

We got an itemized bill in the mail the other day for "trach tube ho". Now, I know I get testy with the medical supply company, but there's no need for name calling.

Of course the idea of a Trach Tube Ho is as appealing as it is, you know, unappealing. Lots of unsavory jokes have been floating around here because of this, most of them dealing with suction machines. But I digress.

When one receives a bill in the mail for a Trach Tube Ho, one immediately thinks, "Hey, Self? This calls for a rap." So I've been busily trying to devise something that is at least Natalie Portman-worthy.

Here you go, my friends, the Trach Tube Ho rap. If someone brings me a Blackberry Smash or two, there is a high likelihood I might even make a video (and/or soil myself at some point).

Trach Tube Ho (what?)

I got your trach tube, what?
I got your trach tube, what?
I got your Trach Tube Ho and she's crazy in her nut.

Let's be naughty.
Let's be naughty.
Let's be naughty, ho.
But not until you've cleaned out.
My air compressor hose.

Get your hand up in there, bitch.
And shake out all the slime.
We get pseudomonas up there.
All the fuckin' time.

I got your trach tube, what?
I got your trach tube, what?
I got your Trach Tube Ho and she's crazy in her nut.

See those can-i-sters, in my bulging cab-i-net?
My DME.
Charges me.
A fuckton for that shit.

Sometimes I hit a wall.
Sometimes I throw a chair.
Sometimes I make a phone call and I swear and swear and swear.

I got your trach tube, what?
I got your trach tube, what?
I got your Trach Tube Ho and she's crazy in her nut.

She might just fuck you up.
This crazy trach tube ho.
By screaming at you con-stant-ly
Through her weepy stoma hole.

She ain't no normal fucked up bitch
Her crazy's shined and beveled
She's taken all this trach bullshit
To the next fucking level.

I got your trach tube, what?
I got your trach tube, what?
I got your Trach Tube Ho and she's crazy in her nut.

Somebody get Nystatin.
Somebody get the gauze.
Somebody get the KY jelly.
Out the baby's jaws.

Imma hold you down.
Imma tilt your face.
Imma count to three.
Cause it's time to obturate.

I got your trach tube, what?
I got your trach tube, what?
I got your Trach Tube Ho and she's crazy in her nut.

So don't you go a-thinkin'.
She's all special needs
Just cause she throws loogies
Out the neck hole that she breathes. 

She's a very special ho.
Who loves her Medicaid.
Even more than she enjoys.
Getting fucking laid.

I got your trach tube, what?
I got your trach tube, what?
I got your Trach Tube Ho and she's crazy in her nut.

It's all about the money, bitch.
Saving up some scratch.
To finally get the damn trach out.
Before them germies hatch.

We gotsta rustle up some Cotton
To get busy with this nasty.
It's about fuckin' time.
For that larynogotracheoplasty.

I got your trach tube, what?
I got your trach tube, what?
I got your Trach Tube Ho and she's crazy in her nut.

I got your trach tube, what?
I got your trach tube, what?
I got your Trach Tube Ho and she's crazy in her nut.

 

Photo 32

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14 thoughts on “Trach Tube Ho

  1. Spoken: I should be on the North Shore chillin’ with my chillun’
    Straight outta Georgia, if ya must know
    Don’t fuck wit me, I’m da trach tube ho
    Here to spin my tale, it’s true but sad
    Fuck you if you think you got it bad
    Night nurse, day nurse, hard to keep straight
    Fucked by Da Man, hubby workin’ late
    Spoken: I’ll bust a cap in yo ass, perfume bitches
    Medicaid bitch don’t cop a ‘tude with me
    My damn taxes pay your fuckin’ salary
    Straight outta Tampa, years ago
    Sippin’ on a 40, I’m da trach tube ho
    Nurse and sitter makin’ money tight
    I need outta da house so I can write, right? Right!
    Just like my bitches comin’ ‘roun’
    Hospital bills come rainin’ down
    Spoken: Mr. Postman, bring me some good fuckin’ news for a change
    Dope operation to make my son breath
    But Austin to Cincy, you fuckin’ shittin’ me?
    Straight outta Plano, sellin’ dat blow
    I’m ‘onna fuck you up, I’m da trach tube ho
    Life can be hell when you’re losin’ the race
    Someone get this fuckin’ dog outta my face
    O2 sensor beeping round da clock
    I’ve got the cutest damn kid on da block
    Spoken: Yeah, mutha fucker, I’ll put his cute ass up against anyone
    Many time’s I say it can’t get no worse
    Fuck it, you can suck it, Mr. Universe
    Straight outta Austin, goin’ down slow
    Chillin’ like a villian, I’m da trach tube ho

    Like

  2. Chris and Kari – all you need is Andy Samburg and T-Payne and you got yourself an SNL digital short!! LOL but don’t wake the babies…:)

    Like

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