Say Cheese Nipples!

mobile phone lockdown
should start looking into it
to protect my friends

I was getting out of the shower this morning, blind without my glasses, and I hear the wee-er one shout, "Say 'Cheese Nipples'!" And I immediately think, "cheese nipples? What the heck is she talking about?"

Once out of the shower, though, I squint and see she has my phone. Pointed directly at my naked self.


What ensues reminds me of a scene in a movie, where I slap the phone out of her hand (not in a mean way, but in an OH SHIT way) and it clatters across the bathroom floor. There's a mad scramble, 4-year-old vs. naked mommy, clamoring for the phone. Luckily, in my post-shower-i-ness I'm slippery and can skid across the floor like a seal. A naked, dripping, blind seal. There were boobies everywhere.

I grab the phone and my glasses.

Not only is there a picture of my nipples saying cheese, there is a picture of my nipples saying cheese IN THE TYPEPAD APP. That's right. She somehow opened the Typepad shortcut on my phone, took the incriminating photo and was seconds from publishing my nipples saying cheese to the whole wide world (with a direct link to Facebook and Twitter, of course, because social media leaves no one out).

You guys.

That was a narrow escape.

A narrow, horrifying escape.

And the story of how the children's book author published photos of her boobs online is NOT a story you'll see on the news tonight. But only by sheer luck. And the ability to not think twice about flinging an iPhone across the room like it is on fire. 

Say cheese!

This is the picture she took as I slapped the phone from her hand.

10 thoughts on “Say Cheese Nipples!

  1. I am crying from laughing so hard. Thanks for sharing. The new digital age is a frightening place for cheese nipples.


  2. Of course, I was on the phone when I read the headline for this and was like, “What the hell is a chesse nipple?”
    “I hope she’s not bringing that over here!”


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