suck it, juniper
we could set you all on fire
breathe better in smoke

If you live in Austin, you know about Cedar Fever. Those stupid juniper trees EXPLODE IN THE SKY this time every year, causing all denizens of ATX to have their sinuses implode, repeatedly, over consecutive weeks.

It never used to bother me. I was in, like, the 1% of people who were all, "la la la, cedar whatnow?" But this year, MAN. I can feel an area on the left side of my head, where my sinuses have expanded to reach up into my brain, only so they can collapse in on themselves. I've woken up the past three days in a row gagging. Nice.

I can't figure out who I hate more today, the cedar trees, or Rick Perry. If only the cedar trees had a $9.4 billion rainy day fund they could tap into to save decimated school districts. Maybe then we could be friends.