I've been cleaning out my office upstairs (which has gotten scarily close to a Hoarders episode), so that I can turn it into the family "library"/office. I have lofty dreams of floor to ceiling bookshelves and fake fur rugs and a tiny fridge so that I have ice cold co-colas at the ready ALL THE TIME.
So far, though, I have huge piles of crap. And a whole mess of dust.
In one of the piles of crap today, I discovered an old notebook circa 2001-02-ish. It is filled with haiku. Filled. Stuff I was writing when I should have been working. So I thought I'd share some with you.
I need to take pictures of the pages. Really. The juxtaposition of sentences like "westminster dog show hollywood hobbit fest" and "walk into doors" with "affliliate banner" and "promo launch" is making me laugh.
Anyway, here are some oooold haiku for you:
flirting, eyeing from afar
O, wicked snack cake
smack, whack, flip, kick, whomp
whose fantastic kung fun moves?
future boy Roy
To quote late, great Kurt
"Mother Nature is a whore"
where is winter, dammit?
sidling too close for comfort
big stinky road hog
keeps newspaper bound
Snap! Flies off into corner
careful, may choke dog
glinting, sparkling in the sun
poopy pig keychain
sitting sheepishly, staring
literal desk crap
(side note: written under the one above, obviously from a meeting or something, it says, "March 1st Intel requirements change")
Here's a whole page with notes about "enrich your system, enrich yourself" and "change header copy" and "Revitalize your budget". In the margin I wrote "obfuscate" and there are a list of times that I think are contractions I was having while pregnant with the wee one. Then, everywhere else on the page is the debris of me trying to write a haiku about cat poop coffee and altoids, including this unfinished nonsequitor: "50 years ago/King George dead, potato born".
This is the winning cat poop haiku:
altoids and cat poop coffee
gotta love the Brits
On the next page, I was obviously bored and investigating words that start with F. I wrote "FLOCCULENT" across the top of the page. Flabberghast makes a few appearances (including: "backwards flabberghast"). So does fortitude. Ferocity is there. And phasers, which I think is cheating.
Here's the haiku:
fend off the wooly flummox
fie ferocious fiend
And, you guys, the pages just go on and on and on. I won't bore you with ALL of the haiku, but here's one more that's my favorite so far:
lil' bitty flower
blooming in the median
flummoxed addled cold