Dear You Know Who of the Muggle World,

It appears some bad ass dudes busted into your house and killed you to death.

On behalf of lots of people I would like to say, "TAKE THAT."

And then, on behalf of lots of other people, I'd like to say, "But I don't mean 'TAKE THAT' in the way that would mean I want to traipse around town with sparklers and a USA bikini."

On behalf of still others, I'd like to say, "I actually mean TAKE THAT in the way you might mean it if you are shaking your head ruefully and thinking, 'You kind of asked for it, asshole.'"

But then on behalf of those people again, I'd like to say, "Not that by saying TAKE THAT I am also an asshole, I'm just saying, you were a real dick, and the USA is pretty good about showing their dick is bigger and so… this was kind of inevitable."

Though I should probably clarify, on behalf of some of the original "Take That"-ers, that there is a difference between reaping joy from a bag of dicks being killed death in his palace of many wives, and feeling kind of like, "I hope those firefighters in NYC who are heroes got to light at least one sparkler on fire in celebration."

Again, though, I would like to clarify, on behalf of still others, that by saying 'celebration' I still mean 'with humility and reverance for human life – even though it's hard to count evil incarnate as human life, even though (part II) a variety of religions say we should do it anyway.

So, in summary, on behalf of everyone in America we say, "TAKE THAT." And now we're going to continue to argue on Facebook about what we really mean for real, and whether or not our "AMERICA, FUCK YEAH" initial response can be integrated into our humanistic, liberal beliefs.

Please don't climb out of the ocean like Rasputin, or Godzilla.


concerned citizen


2 thoughts on “Dear You Know Who of the Muggle World,

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