So many of my friends are doing the 30 days of being grateful thing. I feel like kind of an asshole to not do it. But then, I would also feel like an asshole to have started it and not kept up with it. Instead, I've been allowing myself to really enjoy what everyone else is blogging and posting on facebook, and trying to be grateful, myself, for learning that it's OK to not start something if you know you're going to be too busy/distracted to really stick with it.
That said, I've been thinking a lot about this grateful-i-ness that everyone has and I realized I'm kind of embarressed to admit what I'm grateful for this year. But I'm going to tell you anyway, because what is a languishing blog, if not a place to just put it all out there.
I've gained ten pounds this year (and I still have the holidays to get through).
That seems like a lot to gain in a year, especially since I've never been able to gain weight in my life (excluding pregnancies). I am literally bursting out of my clothes (I put on a pair of pants the other day and the zipper shot across the room).
The thing is, even though I can feel the extra weight on me, and I can definitely see it, I really appreciate it. I'd like to take it as a sign that the past year was calm enough and full of enough sleep and lack of freaking out that I could eat chocolate cake and not burn all the calories in five seconds through adrenaline and panic attacks.
I know this is one of those posts that makes people roll their eyes, but I've been on the less-mentioned-in-society side of the weight spectrum my whole life. I've had my fair share of yucky protein smoothies, and I've always, always, been asked by well-meaning, but irritating, people if I have an eating disorder.
Anyway, even though I'm grateful for the circumstances that have allowed me to add some junk to my trunk, I know I need to eat better and exercise more, turn the weight into muscle instead of jiggle. Drawing a face on my stomach and making it talk is hilarious, but maybe there are better uses of my time.
So now I'm wondering about things like treadmills and thighmasters and weight-bearing exercises. I know, right? Crazy talk.
The trick, I think, is figuring out how to be healthy. Balance. That's what everyone seeks, I guess. Balance. I don't have balance yet. But I am grateful to have the time now to think about it.
(And if none of this post makes any damn sense it's because I had a 9-year-old talking incessantly to me the ENTIRE FUCKING TIME I was writing. "It would definitely kill you if you got hit in the head with a cannonball, right?" "Can I get a Youtube account so I can comment on videos?" "Is a Slugger called a Slugger because it's meant to hurt people, or is that just a weird name for a baseball bat?" "Hey, Mom, look, I have a peg leg!")
It is clearly time to step away from the computer.
Maybe I should go for a jog.