Dorothy Parker has this great saying about how sometimes things aren't just terrible, they're fancy terrible. They're terrible with raisins in it.

Well, this week has been full of raisins. Not big, bad terrible raisins, just annoying raisins. But rather than sit here and detail all the wrinkles and grossness of the stupid things that have stuck in my craw this week, I'm going to try something new and different. I'm going to list all of the things for which I'm grateful.

1. No one in the family has a trach

2. We can afford groceries and  - importantly – booze

3. I discovered Draw Something

4. I have friends who will play Draw Something with me

5. My kids are hilarious

6. The wildflowers are beautifully in bloom EVERYWHERE

7. It is not 9 bajillion degrees outside

8. It is not -9 bajillion degrees outside

9. People pay me to write words 

10. People pay my husband enough so that when people don't pay me enough to write words we can still achieve #2 up there

11. My computer is not broken

12. The dog has stopped pissing on all the toys

13. Ike's consumption of disgusting prescription formula has gone down to the point that we have a backlog of the stuff in the supply closet

14. My friends make me laugh even when they have their own raisins to pick out of their teeth

15. I have seen the Hunger Games movie

16. My shorts from last spring still mostly, sort of fit

17. There is a can of M&Ms by the coffeepot

18. No one is bleeding at the moment

19. I just read a great book

20. I was able to make time to read that great book

21. A 7th grader told me she likes my pants

22. The girlchild has finally figured out how to put on her hightops in less than 10 minutes

23. Tomorrow is Friday

24. My dad showed no signs of cancer the other day

25. The Texas Library Association conference is next week and I AM GOING, DAMMIT

26. My shinglesface feels better everyday

27. No one pooped on the floor or in their pants or in the car today

28. The upstairs doesn't smell like barf anymore

29. I have rediscovered the joy of strawberries

30. I am not pregnant

Coyotes illegally living in DC

Coyotes on public assistance

Coyotes who need abortions

 

It's Spring Break! This means a whole, empty week stretching out in front of us. Depending on your perspective, this week looks like a desert of Wizard's of Waverly Place and screaming fights OR it looks like delirious joy away from the torture of waking up early and then sitting in a classroom all day. 

During this delirious span of fighting and laugh tracks I'm hoping to break things up with LEARNING and AWESOMENESS. But so far I'm feeling LAZY and GROUCHY so that plan isn't working out so well.

This morning, upon discovering that the dog is out of food, I had a brain wave. It went like this:
1. Oh no! The dog is hungry!
2. We must go to the pet store and buy more food!
3. The pet store will be a fun distraction from laugh tracks and fighting!
4.  We can look at fish and kitties and lizards and… hamsters.
5. [light bulb]
6. What if we BUY a hamster?
7. Buying a hamster would be both a thing of LEARNING and a thing of AWESOMENESS!
8. I had a hamster growing up, and other than getting five stitches and an infection in my foot, it worked out GREAT.
9. We can force the Oldest Child to take care of said hamster. He will learn responsibility!
10. [text husband with great idea]
11. [husband texts back with one word: "pass"]
12. Fin

But I don't think I'm ready to give up that easily. Hamsters are kind of awesome, right? And surely, in the past 20-odd years someone has created a technology to make them less smelly, right?

So let's talk pros and cons.

CONS
1. Husband already said no, so if I buy one I'm in trouble
2. It will die at some point, traumatizing everyone in a variety of ways
3. stinky
4. might get eaten by dog
5. will inevitably be more expensive than I imagined

PROS
1. cute
2. potentiality for teaching responsibility
3. potentiality for hilarity
4. we can get one of those ball things for it to run around in
5. at least one day of excitement shared by everyone
6. LEARNING
7. AWESOMENESS

So, what say you? Hamster. Yes or No?

Pretend you're not my husband.