The results of attempted meditation

I'm not sleeping well. This probably has something to do with a 4-year-old who insists on climbing into bed with me and my husband every night, and then twisting in violent, gymnastic pinwheels as he chatters in his sleep.

In order to fight the sleepiness that plagues me, I've been trying to set aside some time for meditating. If this meditating turns into a 20-minute power nap, then even better. The incredibly frustrating problem is that I can't calm my mind. I can't meditate. I've been trying to choose a word to fixate on – something I can repeat in my head as I lay down and close my eyes. No other thoughts, just this one word repeated over and over until I feel renewed and reenergized.

This is what happens:

[me laying in a quiet room with my eyes closed]

Calm
Calm
Calm
How could that manuscript get rejected like that? Everything is the worst.
Calm
Calm
What if I write a whole new book using a different character's point of view?
Calm
No, that is a terrible idea
Calm
What if I write a picture book about terrible ideas?
Calm
Calm
Can Ike-a-saurus really be almost old enough for Kindergarten? This can't be right.
Calm
What was that noise?
Calm
Calm
Man, the dog really smells today. What is going on over there?
Maybe I should switch words. I don't feel very calm.
Quiet
Quiet
My shirt is probably so wrinkled now.
But really, do I care?
Quiet
I need to get my ring fixed. Why haven't I done that yet?
Quiet
Quiet
Seriously, how could that manuscript have been rejected like that.
Uuuuugh.
Quiet
Maybe there is something wrong with my hormones
Am I having a hormonal problem?
A hormone storm!
I should go to the doctor.
But, ugh. The doctor.
Quiet
Quiet
Quiet
Oh, shit! I have a meeting tonight.
Quiet
Does the babysitter remember? Surely she does.
Quiet
Hopefully she does
Quiet
I should text her
Ugh, now I have to drive in traffic tonight
Quiet
Quiet
When was the last time I wrote a blog post?
Is that smell me?
Quiet
I should eat lunch
Maybe I should concentrate on the name of a publisher
Quiet
Quiet
Then I can use voodoo magic to avoid rejection
Quiet
Quiet
Maybe I really will outline a companion book from a different character's POV.
Then I can have two books no one wants!
Quiet
Quiet
Or maybe I will just write a sestina about rejection 
Quiet
Because that isn't dorky at all
Quiet
Quiet
Oh, screw this, I need some coffee. 

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