Do not conspire against me, Thursday.

I choose to embrace this beautiful day instead of being grouchy over all the piddling fuckery that is trying to bring me down.

I'm just going to keep saying that over and over until it's true – until all of the fuckery dissipates into, uh, non-fuckery.

So what that I had a doctor's appointment this morning and was late because I couldn't find a parking place. So what that I had to park one million miles from my doctor's office. It was a nice day to walk. And walking is healthy. Plus, I learned a couple of things: 1) Doctors like to drive Audis 2) pregnant women like to drive Honda minivans 3) there are not enough sidewalks at the Women's Center so as to prevent you from being crushed and murdered by Audis and minivans.

So what that I tried to take a shortcut to my doctor's office and instead got lost inside a giant hospital and ended up momentarily trapped in a dungeon-like stairwell. It gave me a moment to pretend I was in a movie – maybe a hero cop trying to flush out a bad guy. Maybe an awkward ingenue who was about to meet cute with a morgue worker. I got to use my imagination! In a dank stairwell! Under the ICU!

So what that when I finally figured out how to get to my doctor's office, they were running late and I ended up just sitting in the waiting room, sweating from my epic journey to hospital Erebor and back, being forced to listen to Regis Philbin on the Rachal Ray show, which, you guys, is surely the exact show they play over and over again in the anteroom of Hell. It was fine, though. Really. The delay helped me get my pulse back to normal. The TV show taught me that Oklahoma is giving out vaccines to poverty-stricken children and that Racheal Ray is totally into states taking control over shit when the federal government fucks up (I don't know. Don't ask.). I LEARNED THINGS, is what I'm saying. All thanks to getting lost and sweating, and waiting, and really loud daytime TV.

So what that when I finally saw the nurse practioner she barely took five minutes to listen to my theories and conundrums, and she was so behind schedule and flustered that she kept making mistakes when I told her things. She had really nice hair. I should have told her that.

So what that after the doctor's appointment I decided to run a quick errand and when I got to the place there was a sign that they had moved a month ago – to nearly the exact same spot where my doctor's appointment was a billion miles away back at the Lonely Mountain. That was fine. It wasn't an emergency or anything, and traffic was nice, and I got to drive with the windows down. So… I embrace that waste of time. I listened to nice songs from a new playlist. I daydreamed about why there are suddenly so many more Audis in town. I ate a snack that I was smart enough to throw in my purse before I left the house this morning. It was a tasty snack. 

And now I'm home. There's only an hour until I have to go pick up the kids from school. So what that this means I am getting zero + zero divided by zero amounts of work done today. That's OK. There's a Teletubbies sun in the sky, the air is cool, I got some extra vitamin D, and now I get to make the best of first world decisions: do I have a cup of coffee, or do I take a power nap?

See? It's a good day.

I will not be grouchy. I will be grateful I wasn't going to visit anyone in the ICU. I will be happy that *I* wasn't the one in the ICU. I will think about how I hope the rushed nurse practioner has time to eat lunch and laugh with a friend. I will be happy that I have a clean shirt to put on since this one is sweaty and smells like the doctor's office. I will rejoice in the fact that my car has excellent get-up-and-go so that I can drive with ease on the insanity that is MoPac. I will be thrilled that my lunch was a frozen, gluten free, pot of "mexican" food instead of a delicious burger from P. Terrys, because this means I will not have a stomachache later. I WILL BE HAPPY ABOUT THESE THINGS. I AM SO HAPPY I'M SHAKING. 

See that? Fuck you, fuckery. I'm making the most of it. It really is a beautiful day. And the most beautiful part of all is that I'm not stuck in a stairwell anymore.

I kiss you on your fucking mouth, Thursday. MWAH.

One thought on “Do not conspire against me, Thursday.

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