God, election year, am I right? And this year everything is just the worst, with extra terrible-ness on top. It’s gross. I tried to bury my head in the sand, but I couldn’t do it. Remaining silent is remaining complicit. This is why I’ve decided to come clean.
I’ve changed my party, y’all. I just can’t, in good conscience vote Democrat anymore.
I know you’re thinking.. WAIT WAIT WAIT.
It’s true. I think Bernie is a stand-up guy, and I think Hillary has served her country well, but we’ve had eight years of Democratic policies that just don’t add up. My elders always told me that when I grew up I’d have no choice but to become a Republican; that watching my income get taxed away to nothing would cauterize my bleeding heart. And maybe they were right.
But the thing that’s really done it… the thing I can’t abide by is the whining. Democrats are whiners. They want equality. Wah. They want women to be treated equally. Wah. They want everyone to be able to go the doctor. Wah. They want to force that nun over there to give that hooker over there birth control (if the nun employed the hooker which is doubtful, but stick with me here).
You know, the world is not all THAT bad. Women have gained so much in the past few decades. Doctors are abundant and available on every street corner in all kinds of doc-in-the-boxes. Gay people get to be fun friends and go through the same divorces as everyone else. Can’t we worry about other stuff now? Like getting blown up and an inexorable tax system?
omg you guys, I can’t do it anymore. And when I say I can’t do it, I mean this blog post.
This whole thing is a trick. Because April is the cruelest month, really. I hope no one actually believes any of that crap up there. OF COURSE I’m a Democrat. OF COURSE I support women and equality. OF COURSE I think everyone should have affordable (nee free?) healthcare. OF COURSE I think that even nuns shouldn’t be able to tell women whether or not they approve of medication a doctor has prescribed.
My bleeding heart is making a mess on the floor this election cycle. It’s making puddles and sloppy spills. My bleeding heart aches for the hatred that simmers. I don’t know what to do about it, other than to vote, and to work really hard to discuss these issues with my children. To help them be the future that might have to save mankind from itself.
So, yes, I’m still a democrat. And yes I’m sorry I tried to trick you. But I’ve been doing these posts for YEARS, guys, and I’m running out of ideas.
And also, April Fool’s, nerds!